So, here i am. Sore throat is not so sore. Im in a music mood. But i know as soon as i start i’ll lose that mood. Since im not good enough yet to make decent riffs and melodies. Way better than ever before..but..not good enough, yet. 

Blogs. Great big writing things that takes so much effort, yet, no matter what you do or how much you write, never ever seems enough. *sigh* 

So, It’s Feb! Fuck. I actually got held back in school (not sure if i said so before?) 4 lessons to be re-taken. ‘Least i wasn’t stoned this time ;) They actually passed me..since they gave me all the answers. So, Yup. School Drop out. Doesn’t sound as great as it actually is. You don’t really.. do much.. And you can’t really get a job, since you don’t get any qualifications. Bad idea.. VERY bad idea.

But, my life is getting better, loads better. I’ve had a steady girlfriend for 6 months, she’s even moving back home with me (she’s chosen her uni in wales) so, it’ll be fun back there. I’ll be taking music in college as my musical..’skill’ has become a lot more better over the months!! (So far i’ve been on 3 cd’s.. its great!)

Things are just generally looking up, and i like it, alot. Uhmm.. Im ill. My tonsils are swollen like hell, so i can’t really swallow much. It sucks. And i can’t eat or drink many things, so, im actually starving and feel like im gonna throw up pretty muc 24/7. It’s shit. Even yawning fucking hurts! Shotgun to face puh-lease

What else? I’ve kicked all drug habits! That’s mainly because im so skint.. but.. yeah! It’s doing me good! Im not gonna lie and say ‘Well.. i feel happier and my life has changed so much!’ No. Just no. I just don’t crave it as much anymore and it doesn’t control me. I still miss it horribly though! Smoking.. Eh.. not so much luck on that. I did almost quit a few days ago (i had no money for smokes) but then my girlfriend got me some without realising i was trying to quit. Only on a few a day though! So, not so bad :)

Uhm.. i think that’s it? Moving home, Gf coming with me, no more drugs, college, ill…. Yup. Oh.. and mornings aren’t so shit anymore… i just wake up around 1pm. So, i don’t do mornings anymore :D

Whoa, long time since i’ve been here! I guess..im just not able to comit to anything that makes me have to do any work, That’s always been my problem.. at least i can admit it eh?

The last 3 months have been pretty fun, weird and depressing..all at the same time, i guess things just need to move forwards, i mean, all i really do all day is just wake up, get my coffee, play guitar, smoke and browse the web while listening to music. I guess that most people would call that perfect, but.. it’s not me. I can’t do it, ironic, i know, but it drives me insane. I can’t keep on doing this!! And the worst part of it all? Im skint. Yup. No money. Zilch, nothing, not even 1 cent. Nothing at all!

At least i have music to keep me *slighty* sane! I’ve been recording alot lately and i FINALLY don’t sound like a dying cat..still not decent..but..not dying cat-esque, people are even asking me to cover songs..must be doing something right :D

Boredom. It does bloody everything, it can make you depressed, it can make time drag on, it can make you do nothing at all. It’s set in. Im fucked. It’s when the things you love doing start to have no point, you start questioning every single thing you do. Do you question everything you do? That’s a question right there. Who knows what the fuck is going on right now?

Im bored, that’s all there is to it. Life is coming to a stand still….sort’ve

YEsterday, at 5pm. I go to a friends house, we sit around, smoke.. talk.. then he gets a few beers, we drink them in his room.. laugh a bit, we go to a bar, a few more beers.. we get bored there.. we go back to my place and get some vodka, starting to feel tipsy. He leaves.. my mum gets home and gets hammered. Drunken posting. FML.

4am. Im watching T.V with my step-dad, might be a little bit odd? Watching T.V..that late/early, Well.. we always have life talks and he just shares shit with me, and gives me his ‘wisdom’ i actually enjoy it. 4am.

And it’s pissing it down, just non-stop rain. And it’s dark. And the rain isn’t going to stop.. more and more and more and more.

I go to bed, rain. The nose. The thuds, millions of thuds.. thudthudthudthudthudthud Heh.

5am. RAIN. Fuck.. the rooms not flooded. that’s good. too tired..

7am. RAIN. second time..really? rooms still not flooded.. that’s really good!

8:23 am. RAIN. FOR FUCKS SAKE. still not flooded.

11 am. Rain? yes..rain. 

Fuck it, i’ll get outt’ve bed. Coffee. Score! What day is it? monday. Get stoned or do nothing? Nothing.

more rain. bad day..

Rain..

Rain..

Rain..

Rain..

Im scared of rain. Someone come here and hug me?

It’s now 7:52pm. it’s dark. im cold. it’s raining. HUG ME :(

Winter, Normally known as ‘go to school, come home soaking wet, go out, get high, come home and repeat for 6 months’ Now, Well.. now.. fuck knows what it is.

It’s just.. there. In your face. just raining. No school, no nothing. Just..nothing. All day. everyday. Apart from the weed binges. That just makes everything really.. hazy. Best way to put it i guess, everything just slowly starts to become one big loooong drag. I forget what day it is more than i eat. And that’s getting worse.. not much eating going on.. maybe half a meal a day, but i feel fine with it.. a bit odd going from about 4 meals a day down to half. I’l probs catch pneumonia in my room anyway.. it’s always cold in here.. no matter what you do.

So, the summers pretty much ended. It was deffo the best one i’ve ever had. Alcohol, Weed, Your best mates + the beach at 4am.. watching the sun rise.. everyone lying on top of each other one way or another.. having a good laugh. Picture perfect. Last summer here.. might as well have done some bullshit

Friends got arrested, we all got chased by police. Illegally driving cars, drink-driving, fights, clubbing, pushing each other over. Sounds like a film in my head.. 

Still not sure what the fuck to do with my life, do i go to college and have some job im going to hate my entire life? or do i become a junkie? still trying to weigh it up, so far im in the middle, not doing so well. Why do i have to even make the choices now? Isn’t there a fucking manual for this shit? Someone should fucking make one! ‘Oh yes.. here you go, what you need for your life, it’s a lot easier than making the wrong choice and wanting to kill yourself for the next 50 years because you made a shit choice’ Fucking GREAT.

Winter. bout fucking time. I’ll have time to complain about nothing + everything. Get off my face, annoy my parents and just start fucking everything up. And be lazy and do nothing all day. What else could you ask for? not like i need to be anywhere or do anything. As long as i have my smoke and a spliff a week, i’ll be happy. Even though these binges are becoming more and more it’s starting to feel like it did last year, when the real binges were going on. I think i remember only my birthday? and that’s it.. so pretty much explains to you what was going on. Think im going to call my 13-16 period ‘The lost years’ i remember fuck all. It’s just gone like 1 big week, too much shit happened. I remember small bits, but.. that’s the side effects eh? Shitty memory.. it’ll probably come back to me in about 10 years or so..

Sleep,play guitar, get drunk, go over friends house, eat, sleep. Perfect.

So, after a whole month and 3 days of not doing anything on this, im being pressurised to write in this. The only reason that i don’t is because i don’t really think that there is anything really to say.. Whats so fun about hearing what i do? its the summer, theres not much that you can explain, im outside, with friends.. having a laugh.. and then even after all that i barely remember the convosations we actaully have. it’s like.. memory loss, but you know that you’ve had a really good time.. and it just sticks into your head, good memories though

So.. pretty much the last month has been VERY messy, alot of money has been spent, alot of vodka and beer consumed and puked up.. I think i’ve spent somewhere in the 200 euros mark.. not including the stuff people have actually bought that me..

I honestly don’t remember much.. just pure nights out.. sitting down the beach.. next to the sea (me with my guitar) and my best mates.. with a bottle of vodka..just drinking.. laughing, having fun..playing games.. And then we’d hit the clubs.. mindless dancing, laughing.. and spewing up in toilets

It’s deffo been the best summer of my life, but.. it’s just NOT me.. i’d prefer to be in a field.. 2-3 people with me.. just staring into the sky..listening to music, and chilling out. I just need to get shit back together i think, stuff just isn’t making too much sense.. and im now well and truly SKINT.

I hate feminists. Go fall in a hole! It’s weird, feminists are more sexist than every man put together! what you want is ‘Equality’ look it up in a dictionary sometime. What you’re gunning for is ‘A sexist world without men’ Oh the irony.

Anywhosers! Journal time..

Life, it’s been shit. But.. at the same time amazing! the world isn’t the same as i remember it, it’s worse.. but better! so much stuff to do! and the only thing that limits me..is myself. Im fed up of sulking about doing nothing. i want to travel, i want to see places with people! i want to see everything! And i want to see it..while playing music.. whistling! :D it’s like some weird feeling has come over me! i feel like a hippy (in my head) i want to change this world! people are so arrogant these days, lighten up! it’s life! fucking enjoy it, don’t be a killjoy and moan!! (the irony..) you live once, why not do it happily?

I don’t care where i go.. as long as i see it all.. HAPPILY! I want to take photos of everything! the sun, the sea, people, building, dogs, vans, musicians.. not photos of the ‘glam life’. Photos of REAL life.. of HAPPINESS! of FRIENDS who love each other! Theres too much hate bombing around.. i wanna change it all.. what happened to ‘Make love.. not war’? maybe that wasn’t intended for literal war? but.. for the world?

Moats and boats and waterfalls
Alleyways and pay phone calls
I’ve been everywhere with you

I’ve been talking to some old friends.. The best friends i’ve ever had.. EVER! One of them, who i grew up with.. we did everything together.. and i mean EVERYTHING! C.J (that’s what we called him) It’s odd talking to someone from a ‘past life’ and knowing that you’ve grown apart, but can still talk like we did before. It’s not the same.. nowhere near it! His life is so different to mine, He’s in the bubbled world.. and im stuck on a ship.. that has a huge hole in the hull. Im sinking, he’s happily floating.

It’s weird, knowing that i have the world in my face before him, I need somewhere to live, i need a job and i need to go to fucking college! This is literally killing me! i’d rather be in some fucking mine making 5 euros a day for 12 hours of work than doing this every single day. Theres nothing to do. At all.

My blog has just become ‘Moaning Time’ it’s the only thing to make me slightly sane. The band has died. The singer is somewhere.. the other guitarist has left.. the singer is looking for a new drummer. So.. right now.. im in a 1 man band. Perfect! 

I haven’t gone out for like a week.. just stuck inside doing nothing at all. 

Fuck.My.Life.

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks 

You’d better run, better run, outrun my gun

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks 

You’d better run, better run, faster than my bullet 

Mhmm. Happy times! Kife; kife? Life* What is it? it’s the thing inbetween being made + dying. And.. it sucks. it sucks more than a prozzie does on a weekend, just. BLEUGH! Boredom makes you become crazy, you’re constantly trying to think of things to do.. but nothing ever happens. ever, unless you have money, then anything can happen. But.. im poor. so.. no money D: 
It wouldn’t be so bad if my friends were here.. but no.. they’re busy in jail or somewhere else.. or working. WOO! lonely summer :l fucking piss take!
I can’t even make a friggen song! nothing works! music sucks..lyrics suck even more.. i jsut can’t be arsed. someone make me rich already.. then i’d just piss off famous people. they don’t even write their own fucking songs! lazy shits!